A Fart Poem

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known,
To sound just like a song.

Some farts do not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger awhile.

A fart can create
A most-curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, but deadly.

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairies,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us
Sooner or later.

So be not afraid
Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass.

*****************

Courtesy of http://www.thefartmachine.com

Noddy

Noddy and Big ears were out driving one day

Noddy and Big ears were out driving one day,

When they heard that poor Golliwog, he just could not stay,

He’s politically incorrect, they was told by their peers,

Golliwog must go — do we make ourselves clear?
*

*
Golliwog must go, but how can that be?

He is our dear friend — it just cannot be!

We have had such good times with him and his kin,

Golliwog, you stay, they said with a grin.
*

*
Leaning down harder on Noddy and friend,

Their peers chastised them with their words once again,

The powers that be say he is not good for the land,

Or the people within it: Golliwog is banned!
*

*
Golliwog is banned? Now we know that you’re bad,

Said Noddy and Big Ears, (they were getting quite mad),

To punish our friend, to exile him in disgrace,

Just because of his skin and the look of his face!
*
Fighting back harder, Noddy and Big Ears they sang,

We’ll bring you to court, the highest in the land,

We’ll tell then you are racist, for denying our friend,

Our dearest friend, Golliwog, because of his skin.
*

*
Aghast and bamboozled that their case it was lost,

Their peers relinquished their grip on the fiendish old plot,

Okay, she said, Golliwog can stay,

Hurray, Noddy cheered, come on, let’s play!
******************

*****

The New Roald Dahl

smiley at the New Roald Dahl blog

I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her

I am a Camel at the New Roald Dahl blog

I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her

*

I am a Camel, it said snarling at her,

A very old camel; you can tell by my fur,

My teeth and manner give also a hint,

And the hump on my back gives more than a hint.

*

I can see by your hump, said Alice – I do,

And also your teeth and manner; it’s true,

The look on your face has me all in affray,

Groaning and snarling, in such a way.

*

Still snarling at Alice, the Camel replied,

You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,

If the look on my face was gone; it’s a fact,

No one would listen or look at this chap.

*

Without offering Alice a chance to reply,

The Camel went on with his horrible lie,

Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,

He suddenly pounced and bit off her ear.

*

Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,

Alice said, I was such a clown,

To have listened at all to a Camel like you,

Smelling of sweat and stinking like poo.

******

Tales of the Extraordinary by the New Roald Dahl

Some people call me the New Roald Dahl

I am so Forlorn

Giant Snail at the New Roald Dahl blog

I am so Forlorn

Rich slug, poor slug, fat slug, thin,

I am a slug that just cannot fit in,

To categorising, following the norm,

I was born with a shell; I am so forlorn!

*

Do not be upset, said a stranger to me,

Look at me, she said. Pray tell what you see,

I see a slug with a shell, but how can that be?

I am a snail, she replied, and so are you – can you see?

*

Rich slug, poor slug, fat slug, thin,

I am a slug that just cannot fit in,

To categorising, following the norm,

I was born with a shell; I am so forlorn!

*

Do not be upset, said a stranger to me,

Look at me, she said. Pray tell what you see,

I see a slug with a shell, but how can that be?

I am a snail, she replied, and so are you – can you see?

*

Yes, I replied, this is true – I can see!

The what and the wherefore are included, said she,

Come slime down the path; forget slugs and their ways,

Snails on life’s journey, together each day.

*

Yes, I replied, this is true – I can see!

The what and the wherefore are included, said she,

Come slime down the path; forget slugs and their ways,

Snails on life’s journey, together each day.

****************

The All Blacks at the New Roald Dahl blog

smiley at the New Roald Dahl blog

Slug Joke

Slug at the New Roald Dahl blog

Slug Joke

“What is the difference between a slug and a bag of salt?” Bert asked his friend Fred.
“Go on, tell me,” Fred answered.
“Salt makes your food taste better; slugs, however, shrivel and up and die if they come into contact with salt.
“That’s terrible!” Fred protested. “That’s not a joke!”
“You think it’s terrible?” Bert replied, flapping his arms about wildly, with excitement. “Imagine how the poor slugs feel!”

*******************************************************************

slug talk front cover

0050

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A Funny Thing Happened The Other Day

Giant Snail at the New Roald Dahl blog

A Funny Thing Happened
The Other Day

I saw this sleek snail in the green grass one day,
A flyboy, he was, I do have to say,
For he whisked himself past as fast could be,
In a shell of many colours, a flyboy was he.
*
I had hardly perceived that he had even arrived,
Before he disappeared into the sunset – I tell you no lie!
That snail of many colours, as bold as could be,
Was a flyboy for sure, so flashy was he!
*
He made me so sad, as sad as could be,
For I am a slug, not flashy, that’s me,
No shell to impress with colours and bling,
Just a poor, boring slug and it’s a terrible thing.
*
But I do have this plan, a means to an end,
That could make so cool, like snails and their friends,
All that I need are paint and a brush,
A golf ball and glue – not really so much!
*
With these said items, I will make myself grand,
Painting the ball, gluing it on my back is my plan,
Then I’ll parade myself round as proud as can be,
Like the snail of many colours and just as flashy, hee hee.

**************

slug talk front cover

****************

 

Stories for children and adults by the NEW Roald Dahl

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